Pacho's blag

Out of the hospital, for now...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 22:21:00 +0000

So I spent a nice long morning in the emergency ward of PGRH today. I had tried to see my family doctor first in the hopes that I could get my appointment with him moved up but no dice. Emerg was pretty good today - only one lady in front of me so I was in a bed within five minutes. In the end they did a full workup - multiple blood tests, urine tests, X-rays. They checked my previous sets of blood/stool tests.

The conclusions that they drew:

I was grossly dehydrated. Almost immediately they had me on an IV drip of saline and pumped over a litre into me which, to be honest, felt amazingly good. Stating that differently, as it stands my body is not capable of retaining enough fluids to function on its own without medical intervention. I'm to return to PRGH emerg as required.
They can prove out my pancreas, my liver, my kidney's, my urinary tract. All are basically functioning normally or at least within normal tolerances. The X-rays confirm that I have no blockages in my body.
Beyond that they are stumped. They know that they can't effectively test the stomach itself through PGRH emerg and believe that at least part of my problems are originating from the stomach.
They believe that I have some kind of compound problem although no combination of factors explains all the symptoms that I have.
The best guess from the attending is that I have a stomach ulcer combined with "beaver fever" although this doesn't explain the vomiting and they can't figure out any way that I would have been exposed to contaminated water.
I have another three days of hospital visits to get full workups of tests done, I have a doctors appointment on Thursday to get a GI referal, and I'm to complete taking my narcotic + a new medicine that will treat ulcers and stomach bleeding.

I suppose I'm relieved that I don't have anything catastophically wrong (i.e. organ failure and hepatitis were both potential explanations going into today) and I'm definitely relieved that emerg agreed both that I have a serious medical problem (albeit undiagnosed presently) and that I was entirely justified in the visit today. I'm not at all excited about the fact that they don't know what the problem ultimately is, that I'm still not effectively recovered, that my reliance on a prescription narcotic basically precludes working until Friday, that I am effectively dead stick until a GI referal and that I have to continue to do invasive tests for at least another three days.

And now, in graphic detail...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 08:26:00 +0000

OK, before I get into the meat of this, I advise strongly that if you have any aversion to hearing about bodily functions, illness or anything similar that you disregard the remainder of this post and go about your day. I am getting to the point where I feel that the need to document the last couple weeks takes a higher priority than the normal G-rated nature of the blogosphere.

If you're still here then sobeit.

On the weekend of August 28/29 I started getting sick. I didn't clue into the fact that there was anything unusual about this - I basically felt a bit flu-ey and didn't give it much thought beyond that. I first started throwing up after helping Ernie load up a truck load of waste from my house - wall framing, old insulation and things like that. It felt like I was blowing orange juice out my nose - pulpy, sour, and basically burned like stomach bile. I definitely had diaherreah but this was in keeping with a flu issue so I didn't give it much thought.

Monday Aug 30th came and went without issue. I was still having issues keeping food down, still running for the toilet, but I thought it was a bit less intense so figured I was on the way back up.

Tuesday Aug 31st was a bit of a mistake - Carol and I thought we had our prenatal visit so instead of starting work we went to the doctors, found out when we got there that it was for the next day, so I went to work. Literally couldn't stomach food at all - immediately ill. I was starting to worry a bit being ill so long but figured I was seeing the doctor on Wednesday so I'd talk to him then. Tuesday evening was the last time that I was able to actually pee - after this point any water that I took in came out again as painful diaherreah about 5-10 minutes after drinking.

Wednesday Sept 1 was our prenatal visit. I mentioned my stomach/bowel issues to the doctor and he basically suggested taking Immodium and letting it blow over. I had tried Immodium off and on - generally has no effect on me - but I figured I'd give it a shot. Again, spent most of the day getting sick. My stomach was starting to hurt fairly seriously but I could ignore it for the most part. I'd say 3-4 on the pain scale of 10.

Thursday Sept 2 was very hard for me. I went to work early because I couldn't sleep with my stomach hurting so much. Once I got to work I quickly realized that there was no chance of consuming food. Any water immediately went through me so I confined myself to sips when I could afford to run to the toilet. By mid-afternoon the pain was bad enough that I was either going to the walk-in or the emergency ward. I left work early and sat through an hour and a half of people to talk with the doctor at the walk-in. The conversation almost immediately took a serious focus - at this point it had been 48 hours since I'd last been able to pee at all, my stomach lining was flared up enough that I could guide the doctor through tracing my intestine with her finger. She seemed quite alarmed at how frequent my bowels were acting up and my intolerance of water. She asked about Immodium as well - it was doing absolutely nothing for me. She put me on the max clinical dose of Lomotil which basically is a suped up sedative version of Immodium. She ordered a whack of tests from the Phoenix - bowel and blood both. She explained that there are all sorts of things that could be wrong but impending organ failure, hepatitis and complete milk allergy (not lactose intolerance but allergy) were all very much on the table. I'm to head into emerg immediately if things don't get much better.

Friday Sept 3 I filled my prescription and did my tests first thing. I'd forgotten how unpleasant bowel tests are. The pharmacist was a bit surprised by the dosage on the Lomotil - she suggested that I aim for perhaps 1 daily rather than the 8 daily as prescribed. She warned that Lomotil on these dosages would pretty much put me on my back. I went to work and took the day off - explained all of what had happened and started taking the Lomotil. It spaces me out but definitely slowed down my bowels - now I'm only having painful liquid diaherreah four times daily instead of continously and I can pee again.

This last weekend has been a blur. Take more Lomotil, try to consume more water, try to build up my stomach to being able to accept food again. In the time it's taken to write this I've had to run and throw up three times. I can't stop shaking. I feel feverish and weak. My insides are on fire. If I had any idea what I could do to make it stop then I would but honestly I'm at a loss. The only debatable part for me is whether I go back to the hospital and see if I can get more tests run on me. I can't tell if this is a nasty flu virus (and thus nothing can effectively be done) or whether I legitimately have something wrong with me.

Oh, the idiocy

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 16:23:00 +0000

So my sister, in usual idiotic form, has decided that as today would have been my dad's 60th birthday that she's going to go out and get a tattoo. Oh and by the way would I like to come along and get one too?

I suspect that eventually in life I will get some ink but certainly not on a minutes notice. I'm far more careful and methodical for that. I want to draw it out a couple million times as vector art before I start marking up my skin...

It begged the question for me, at what point do you draw the line on remembrance? For example, should I be celebrating the 261th birthday of von Goethe today? No, I shouldn't be, and let me tell you why. IT IS CRAZY TO DO SO! You don't get to keep celebrating birthdays when you're in the ground... at least as far as I'm concerned. :)

The first ultrasound...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 20:13:00 +0000

So we had our first official ultrasound on Monday. Baby looks healthy - all the appropriate parts are there. It was pretty cool because the baby was kicking while the ultrasound was happening so Carol was able to prove out definitively that the kicking that she thinks she's feeling is in fact the baby.

The sonographer advised that she believes the due date will move up 10 days to January 9th based on size of baby. It's a biggun'.

Tyler and his girlfriend are about a month ahead of us and he just felt the baby move for the first time so I figure I have a while to wait still...

Oh, and sonographer has put forth that baby is a boy. Jury is still out until delivery day - as long as we have a boy and girl I'm personally indifferent as to which comes first.

All in all, it was great day.

Crow tastes good some days

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 01:24:00 +0000

I find it personally amusing to look back on my life and how vehement I have felt at times and how ridiculous my positions were in retrospect.

The example that I have in my mind in particular today is how I felt pre-20. I was so against kids that it's unreal. Putting it succinctly, I had this belief that someone being the son of a drug addict would necessarily imply that I would both be an addict and additionally that I would similarly pass it on like some kind of unending transitive relationship.

I remember quite vividly thinking to myself that if I could only bring myself to tolerate the concept of gay sex that I'd be a lot happier as a gay male. I've never particularly felt the need for social approval or participation, generally speaking I did and do prefer "stereotypical male" company, and as a rule I've found that the gay friends I've had over the year have frankly been a better class of people as a whole than my straight friends. The thing that I didn't get pre-20 that I understand as a somewhat more mature adult is that if the thought of giving or receiving male-male sex turns you off then you're probably not gay, as much as you might like to pretend that it would make your life easier. (I suspect it wouldn't) Also I didn't know enough about statistics to recognize that a relatively small sample size generally speaking implies that inferences based on data are shaky at best.

I remember arguing against the theory that the purpose of life was to procreate. To be honest I find myself re-thinking this one lately as the days go by and my progeny approach reality in a IRL sense.

One thing that I do believe is that people are hella crazy and that ultimately the only partner that ever works for a person long term is one whose version of crazy offsets your own. As a married man I still think this holds true. My wife, at times, can be the most indecisive person in the world and similarly, at times, I like to be the one making the decisions. She's the type that will take 10 minutes to pick out toothpaste from the aisle whereas I'm already at the checkout as I've preplanned every step I took before I arrived at the store. Similarly I am bad with common sense things whereas she is very down-to-earth and logical.

I don't know that I believe that marriage is required for people to be happy and I don't know that I believe that everyone needs to have kids. For me both are/were very important to me but I'm willing to accept that my view of the world is not everyone's. Heck, 10 years ago I would have totally disagreed with everything written here today so who am I to say that 10 years from now I won't similarly re-read this with disgust. :)

Wedding day blues

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 18:54:00 +0000

So I have to confess that our wedding was one of the mostintense experiences in my life, although not in the ways that I would haveexpected. There were many times during the day that I thought to myself “thankgod I have experience running events through Toastmasters” as I was able to usemy skills throughout.

As an aside, one of the great lessons that I took away fromit all is an oldie but a gooder. You can judge the success of yourself as anindividual by the work that people do on your behalf, particularly whenunattended and when they need to use their own judgment. There were manydetails arranged quietly by my Mom and Ernie that I wasn’t consciously privy tobut found out and agreed with afterwards. Similarly my groomsmen were exceptional.After the ceremony, I was immediately swamped with guests who wanted to pass ontheir well wishes personally. No worries. My groomsmen all disappeared and tobe honest I didn’t really have an idea where they all ended up but I knew thatthey were doing good work. By the time I had made it through all the people (acouple hours, roughly) I found out that my groomsmen had assembled around thefood tables and made sure that people were all fed. At one point there wasliterally three guys and three barbeques with burgers/hot dogs flying off thegrills.

There were many similarly positive experiences before andafter the wedding – Kev and I had to get a bouquet of flowers unexpectedly themorning of the wedding, Jon ripped it apart and rebuilt a proper bundle, Mikeended up shadowing the photographer and got a number of amazing shots.

One of my less favorite ex’s once said that you can judgeyourself by the quality of the people around you, and frankly if true then Ifeel like I’m doing well.

Why we build in a buffer

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 20:39:00 +0000

So far today I've already had a whack more people RSVP for the wedding. In short, this is why we build in a buffer whenever we estimate anything. For my wedding I ran with a 20% overage after I had thoroughly polled all my friends and family. At the time when I was defending the number it seemed ridiculous but based on today alone is probably not outside the realm of possibility.

Of course all of this said a buffer doesn't do you much good if you're rained out and thus no one shows up. Fortunately most food can be frozen. :)

Abandoned rings

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:10:00 +0000

So yesterday was the day that I officially gave up on my wedding ring.

To make a long story short, I'm kind of a gimp with respect to metals. Back when I was a teen I started reacting to things. Eyeglasses that wore down to the metal caused a reaction. Rings and cheap jewelery started making my skin peel and blister. To be honest it wasn't a big deal because I don't usually wear ornamentation beyond my silver cross.

2-3 years back I started developing an awful blister across my chest between my belly button and my waist line. As stupid as it seems in retrospect I had it in the back of my head that it could be some kind of contagious STD. The doctor just about literally laughed me out of the office as he pointed out that it was the exact shape as my belt buckle.

I was able to buy another year on wearing belts by painting my belt buckles with clear nail polish but eventually that stops working. My sensitivity gets worse and worse as the years go on. I sincerely expect that I am eventually going to have to give up zippers and button flies unless they are made from surgical steel or silver.

Anyways, my wedding ring was a tungsten carbide ring. When I first started reacting to it a week or so in I figured it was probably a coating on the ring - gave it a scrub and switched fingers and it was OK. I made it another 3-4 weeks before I really started reacting to it. I tried at end of last week to switch fingers to see how quickly I react - within 24 hours I literally have a 5-7 mm hole through my flesh. I tried to hang it around my neck with my silver cross as a last ditch effort to see if I could buy myself time until the wedding but overnight my upper chest turned bright red and peeling in a semicircle defined by the locus point of the ring. Keep in mind that tungsten carbide is extremely hypoallergenic. Most of the jewelery stores in town are gobsmacked that I can react to it at all - it's unheard of.

Anyways, so the ring sits at home unattended and I suppose after the wedding I'll have to figure out a replacement. Stupid metal sensitive body :p

Thud thud thud thud

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 23:43:00 +0000

So yesterday was the first day we could hear the baby's heart with a fetal heart monitor. Very cool. Check out the video below if you're into that sort of thing.

The first gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 21:27:00 +0000

So in the last 48 hours we have got our first baby clothing, our first baby gift, our first high chair, first stroller, first wedding gift. We picked up many samples of blue paint so we can pick the right color for the nursery. Blue skies and clouds will be the motif. I'm still trying to talk Carol into glow-in-the-dark stars on the roof. I figure that in the next week I'll size the nursery closet and get some shelving from work to make that a linen/storage closet.

It's all coming together at a maddening pace. I'm trying to pretend the wedding isn't coming on like a freight train. By end of week we'll have the final guest counts into the rental places, final count into the cake people... Last week of Toastmasters for a while this week. Oi.

Marriage licenses/commissioners

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 06:10:00 +0000

So today I made my first foray into getting the paperwork complete on our upcoming marriage. After some fumbling around in the Service BC building I found that I basically need Carol's carecard number and that's about it. Somehow I thought there would be more paperwork. Similarly for marriage commissioners there are 5 civil service commissioners in Prince George so booking one sounds like it will be a non-issue. Ideally we're going to finish the legal part of our marriage on August 13th with the marriage ceremony on August 14th. As I keep saying to Carol, first we nail down the legal, then we start booking the specifics for the ceremony.

Week 13

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 22:02:00 +0000

I just noticed last night that Carol's feet are starting to point outwards a bit and she's developing the "pregnancy waddle". She denies it. I expect within the next couple weeks that she'll start leaning back and putting her hands on the base of her back to support herself.

week 12-ish

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:17:00 +0000

So we had another doctor visit today. They tend to take a long time... get off work at 915, drive home, load up Carol and then back to the doctors, wait an hour-ish to get in, get poked+prodded and then rebook for another month out. By the time I'm back at work it's a good 3-4 hours later. I believe we're into the second trimester. Things are starting to speed up. The first "official" ultrasound is now booked.

Pants to you

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 23:38:00 +0000

Carol officially can't fit into any of her "tight pants" any more. Lulu lemon pants are now the order of the day. Stretchy pants ftw :)

Long days in the first trimester

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 04:18:00 +0000

So a couple days ago Carol hurt her hip at work. It hurt a lot but beyond sounding like a normal muscle strain, no worries.

She woke me up around midnight yesterday and told me that we needed to go to emerg. 8/10 for pain. Given that Carol can shrug off a bladder infection without it blipping on her pain scale, 8 is way up there. So we head into emerg.

Emerg was relatively quiet - maybe 5-10 people total. They admitted us very quickly which was cool. Speaking as someone who is fairly familiar with emerg visits and the triage process, I thought this odd but oh well.

Anyways, it turns out that they mistakenly believed that Carol had abdominal cramping which was really why we moved through so quickly. They did an emergency ultrasound - grossly early given that they won't do a scheduled one for another two months - and warned us repeatedly that nothing would likely show up. It was a pleasant surprise to see the baby's heartbeat for the first time. The doctor said that our baby has the heart of a lion - it's crazy to have it show up so early and so large.

They checked out Carol's hip and it turned out that it was a muscle strain/sprain, no worries.

They had taken an initial urine sample from Carol which they ran while we were there. When they checked it they showed a spike in white blood cells - far more than is normal for a pregnant woman. They immediately prescribed a round of second course antibiotics with the interim diagnosis that she has some form of "massive internal infection".

This will all turn out to be nothing in the end but I figured I'd blog about it anyways as looking back with the rosy glasses I'm unlikely to remember at least one night of not sleeping because of an emerg visit, and also the first time I saw our baby.

A day in the life of...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 04:38:00 +0000

So Carol's belly turned hard yesterday. The day before, squishy. The next day, hard. I wonder how many days until her belly button pops. :)And this has been, a day in the life of...

And the truth shall set you free...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:58:00 +0000

So it's finally out in the open entirely. Carol and I have been pregnant for the last couple months and expect our first child in January. We're getting married in the next couple months. Life has been a bit topsy turvy but at risk of completely jinxing myself, has been entirely wonderful and amazing. For the first time in years, all my bills are paid, everything that I absolutely have to do is dealt with, and after my visit to Mike's tonight for his 30th birthday party I'm officially on coast until my own wedding. Loving it!Check out the Dad Speech, which doubles as my marriage proposal/announcement:

Part 1/2:

Part 2/2:

My evaluation:

This hour has 22 minutes...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 15:40:00 +0000

For what it's worth, I'm not the sappy type. I don't like to write long flowery posts about how good things are going. I don't like to take people aside and explain what they mean to me. And honestly I'm not really into hearing the same from other people in general.

I've always been a firm believer in living in the moment and that actions speak louder than words. I feel mentally that there is a balance sheet in this world and that I continue to stay on the positive side of things. Not from a fear of religious fate, not from a desire for spiritual reward, and not for an abstract need for self recognition. Do right because it's the right thing to do, etc.

I've had a number of close friends look at the events over the last couple years and ask why I made the decisions that I did. I have an INTJ brain. Generally I can look at an abstract system and realize that I can push on this trigger to cause that result. For example, I used to regularly drive my dad to pick up his fix of heroin and met many shady people. Some people would use those connections to do bad things. I remember when I was about 15, I had it explained to me that an 8-ball of cocaine could either buy a pair of broken knees or a death. It always struck me as odd that human lives are often cheaper than material goods. I could regale you with all sorts of creepy stories but let me continue with my original point. The gist is that I found at a young age that information was always more important to me. I like to know who is connected to who and why. I remember being surprised at the debts that people incur through this network of bad people and the immediate negative things that happen to said people when they default on these debts. I remember my dad's friend C who was always reported as a suicide but definitely was not. These sorts of things. I don't know if C's family ever found out the truth... unfortunate in a way because death is often a noble thing but not my place, I suppose.

I remember also that feeling of obligation and the need to have things completed. I remember feeling guilty when my mom's dog was getting on in years. I mean, I had helped to raise the dog, so theoretically it was my responsibility when it began to get older. It's hard sometimes to remember that you're not responsible for the screwed up situations that people find themselves in, and that just because when you were younger you saw some good means that good is innate and worth your time. Sometimes people are a sewer - a filthy lonely dark and dirty place - and you shouldn't waste your time.

As much as I could speak as coming from a bad place, all things are good in my life. I work at a job that I'm both passionate about and love. I help within the community directly and indirectly through the people that I mentor and support. I continue to make my living as a hobbyist photographer. (Although who would have thought that I would sell things online before I sold things locally!)

Heck, I can even remember the day that I took the set of pictures that were my first online sale, as I had been chased out of my house so that it could be pillaged. I wish I could have made that day last forever. I'll remember always that feeling of freedom as the chains of obligation were released. I am often bound by my word on levels that people don't realize... that when I say something literally (even off hand) I often am obliged to follow through on it. Being released was wonderful.

Nothing will ever feel as good as realizing that I was finally out of it all. Within a month I had my freedom, I had a major raise at work, I made my first major online photo sale (i.e. >$200), and my life was starting down a good path. In the last year alone I've done many speaking engagements... probably be my first year speaking to over 1000+ people. My busty 20-ish photographer Toastmasters g/f was definitely a nice touch too.

So as much for the record as anything else, thank you kindly for the last couple years. Things feel like they get better and better. I can't even start to imagine where I'll be in another couple years. :)

piebald HDR by *pachocanadian on deviant ART

Imma tired muchly...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 00:24:00 +0000

Wow, it's been an intense last couple weeks. I'm just about through this ironman...

Last week was 10-12 hour days each, then flew to Calgary for the weekend home show and did the full weekend, then back to the office. Yesterday was a 17 hour day if you can believe that.

The Chamber of Commerce AGM is tomorrow... and then I'm free for a weekend of rest.

Looking forward to visiting Spruce Capital Toastmasters and Exodus 4:10 Toastmasters next week which will fulfill my final duties as an area governor... then it's just a matter of waiting for the awards to come in. (No, seriously. I'm winning lots of awards this year)

Exciting times!

Toronto Cathedral 6 by *pachocanadian on deviant ART

We don't need no stinking phones...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 00:15:00 +0000

So in the last week I've worked with Blackberry's, iPhone's, Android's and old school CDMA phone/SMS only phones... and the short version is that I can honestly say that there is presently no killer device that I've seen and all are equally crap. :)

In the beginning...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:12:00 +0000

Lately I find myself on a religious ranty kick.

I ran into a neat story yesterday talking about how 1/4 schools in the USA still teach creationism as some part of their curriculum. After some circular discussion, it got me thinking... I wonder if by "teach" they mean mention as an alternative method of the universe being created or whether they mean full-on "let's teach this as if it's definitive fact".

As a matter of course, religion aside, I generally call bullshit when people try to tell me how the universe was created. "It's scientifically proven fact!" they cry. "Bullshit" I call.

Here's my thing: I could care less what logical or religious construction that you personally follow to make sense of the universe that we live in. My gripe is that you can't use "science" to explain the unexplainable any more than you can use "faith". Science is great at coming up with theories which are used to advance knowledge - that's the big benefit logically speaking. The great thing about the present Big Bang Theory (BTW, love the show as well) is that you can use it to explain many things that happen in our universe. However, it's not definitive fact, it's a theory. Do we know that the universe is expanding from our frame of reference... sure, I can accept that. Do we know how the details on how the universe came into creation? No.

Technically speaking, I don't know anything beyond my experience as an individual if you want to get right down to it. Who is to say that today doesn't exist in my mind alone and everyone is made up? In short Occam's razor changed my life.

Personally I think there's as much benefit in teaching creationism as speaking about how the Catholic Church used to espouse that the Earth circled the Sun. That is, it's a great example of how organized societies (i.e. churches) can combat knowledge, deride people who disagree with them, and artificially force thought down a path. But the same parallel holds with "Science".

Heck if people want to believe that God created some dinosaur bones then no harm, no foul, as long as you present all the information on the different views then I have no gripe. Or present the scientific theory of today as theory and explain that many times we revise our theories as time goes on.

Stating that the Big Bang Theory is fact is no more true than claiming that I have an excess of humours in my spleen. In short, I call bullshit. :)

Snakes, I hate snakes by *pachocanadian on deviant ART

Epicurus ftw...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 03:20:00 +0000

Let me start by sharing a quote with you:

(1) Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

(2) Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

(3) Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

(4) Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

The original quote is attributed to Epicurus.

So essentially the quote breaks down two binomial statements "Is God able to prevent evil?" and "Is God willing to prevent evil?". I think both statements are interesting but irrelevant.

Personally I wouldn't make assertions about the first statement (can God prevent evil). I don't find myself compelled to believe that he can or not. The fact that God created the Devil and thus Hell by opposing Gabriel has been rehashed by many people. It's the contradiction that by shining light one creates shadows. In the mathematical sense it's the assertion that the positive integers automatically create the negative ones (i.e. solve x + 1 = 0). Whether he has the mythical force or not is somewhat irrelevant to me.

The interesting bit is the second statement (is God willing to prevent evil). Personally, I don't think he'd be much of a God if he did prevent evil. It's almost the same assertion as "should a parent prevent any harm to their child, even if it means inhibiting their freedoms" or then looking at the subsequent statement "at which point does a parent do more harm by inhibiting freedoms". To look at it an alternate way, I once read a fascinating book that asserted that the faith was basically isomorphic to thermodynamics. To paraphrase that somewhat, as time proceeds linearly the world proceeds into disorder and no assertion within the system can improve this. The universe is a massive sorting machine of souls into good and evil, and the gears of that machine are existence on the earthly plane. You cannot have saints like Mother Theresa without sinners like Hitler.

Looking at it alternately (i.e. in the Newtonian force sense), the force caused by good or evil is always influenced by a natural acceleration towards disorder. That is, the same act of good has less net force as the universe tends to a disordered state. That means as an individual who wishes to influence the world positively, you need to amplify your "mass" as you will never have the "acceleration" that evil does. It is always easier to hate, to distrust, to envy... If it wasn't easier to do evil then doing good wouldn't be so meaningful. If the world that we lived in was Heaven then there would be no conflict, no development, no "sorting".

I sincerely do not understand how a God who interfered and artificially made the world a positive place would be a good thing. We need pain and suffering to make our lives meaningful, however that comes about. That doesn't mean we have to like it, but I don't find quotes like Epicurus made in any way meaningful, personally.

Why I'm into training dogs...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:09:00 +0000

So I'm into dog training, eh? Lots of people seem to find that surprising for some reason. I think it's a logical progression of thought.

For example, I'm a Myers-Briggs INTJ which basically means that I like to sit on the sidelines and fit things together in my head. In general when I'm faced with a problem, I like to see how things fit together. I like to know that if I pass on gossip to coworker A, that they will use their relationship with coworker B to relay same which will get attention of manager C. When I watch movies like A Beautiful Mind I relate entirely to the visual effects that occur when John Nash starts looking at objects. I remember as a kid watching street signs condense into numbers (first as a summation of numeric position within the alphabet, then recursing to sum the individual digits, then recursing until the sum is between 0-9) as I used to do this obsessively for hours. Street signs, license plates, menus, etc.

Anyways, I find relationship interactions equally fascinating. Why can Adam give Bob advice and he follows it whereas Charlie gives Bob the same advice and he resists?

So for me, dog training was a natural evolution. Dogs are entirely understandable, relatable and logical creatures. Their motivations are clearly understood, they will behave consistently given certain parameters... They will constantly test boundaries and need those boundaries reasserted to feel fulfilled. They need to have some standard of good behavior to perform against to feel fulfilled. Training a dog is an entirely natural thing for them.

In a way, I look at dogs as being the pre-kid step. Yes, I'm an uncle and have had some small part of raising kids but not the 24/7 day-to-day that I'm going to get with a dog. Yes, I've been around other trained dogs (i.e. Erik in particular) and have reinforced said training but I've not trained from puppy onwards in many years (coming on 20 since my first end-to-end training). It is time for a dog!

Tired puppy by *pachocanadian on deviant ART

Why do I shoot...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 01:54:00 +0000

At some point in my life I realized that I was really into photography. I'm not sure how far back this goes, to be honest. I remember playing around with the first webcams around 2000-ish. I remember my first digital camera was a 2 MP Kodak EasyShare. But somehow in the course of my life I started getting into photography... I mean... seriously into photography.

So what does that mean, exactly?

The first rule of photography is that you always carry a camera. No exceptions, no excuses. I can think of hundreds of examples in my own life where I either had the camera and got the shot I wouldn't have otherwise, or where I didn't have the camera and ended up missing the shot. Always have a camera!

The second rule is that you must know your equipment. It doesn't matter if you shoot with an SLR, DSLR, point and shoot, etc. You have to have some idea what your equipment is capable (or not capable) of to be able to take pictures. Indoor photography is almost never a good idea. Using a camera zoom on maximum is almost never a good idea. Doing ultra close macro photography without a tripod is almost never a good idea.

The last rule of significance is that you have to interact with your audience. Your audience can be your peers, friends, customers, whatever, but ultimately you need to interact with these folks to make anything happen. The difference between a person who takes good shots and a photographer is that the photographer shares his pictures... posts them on walls, promotes his material and looks for opportunities to take more pictures.

For myself, photography has taken me to many areas and situations that I would have never seen otherwise. I remember standing on a beach in Vernon taking pictures of the sunset in a suit while the police ran across the beach after me. Photography, particularly digital photography, is a no cost, high return activity!

Lady Madonna by *pachocanadian on deviant ART

What's in a name...

noreply@blogger.com (Pacho) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:04:00 +0000

So I was talking with Carol last night about my name and what it means to me.

I'm a Michael from birth but generally in day-to-day I'm a Mike. Michael means "who is like God" if you follow the Wikipedia definition of Michael. To my knowledge this comes about in reference to the biblical Saint Michael (or Michael Archangelis, depending on what variant you follow). St Michael briefly was one of two head angels in traditional theology. He's noted for the betrayal of the angel Gabriel who of course eventually became Lucifer. Depending on the particular variant you read, he betrayed Gabriel to God and threw him from Heaven.

There's an old Isaac Asimov quote that I've always felt is somewhat relevant: "Never let your sense of morality prevent you from doing what is right"

It's always been my take, metaphors aside, that Michael would have felt a betrayer and justly so. There are many occasions in life where betrayal is the right thing to do, although it is rarely the moral thing to do.

I've always felt it personally relevant as my obsessive compulsive behavior has often forced me into taking actions on things I would have rather not. For example, I was walking through Superstore the other day and ran into a little girl walking through the store by herself. I knew, on some level, that the situation wasn't one that required my action... but once I was aware that the situation existed there was nothing I could do but get involved. And yes, it was all good, and yes we found her parents and got them reunited but the point is that I couldn't have not got involved.

One hundred miles into the bush, and no one within an hour of me, I will still use my signal lights in my car.

I'm not sure that it all relates to being named Michael but I've always felt it was a good fit. So there. :)

Toronto Cathedral 4 by *pachocanadian on deviant ART